Our take on marriage
We’ve been married for 4 years. Together for 7. We’ve both been in previous relationships and I have been married before in my 20’s. We hit it off straight away – with similar values, habits, outlooks and sense of humours. I was 31 when we met – and at a time in my life where I wanted a partner, some one who lifted me up, that wanted to be a team. No competition. Not someone who I NEEDED but someone who complimented me, supported me and was my right hand man.
In those early days we discussed our take on marriage if that’s what we wanted to do, what we wanted in life, how we would raise our kids, what life looked like down the track and also what we didn’t want. We were both very adamant that clear communication was key – that we would always talk things out, talk about how we felt – even if that wasn’t positive. Marriage wasn’t a deal breaker for me – but Chris wanted to get married and of course I would always say yes. We both have come from broken marriage families – and we were very clear that we didn’t want that for our kids down the track. It was him and me. Always first. We were the foundation of the family.
Growing our family
From day 1 we have had non negotiable’s in our relationship. To ensure we water our marriage, take care of it, keep in line with our values and grow together but also as our own individual people – with the support of one another. When we started growing our family – when we had Harper we ensured this was stuck to – was it hard – YES but we knew it would make us stronger and also set a great example for her. When the twins came along – we knew it was even more important to prioritise US. It would look a little different and take more effort but we each reminded each other what was important and what we had promised to each other.
Our top tips for looking after our marriage
- Date nights once a month. This is something we have totally stuck to – even through kids. It’s not always a fancy dinner or something extravagant – sometimes it’s just grabbing a bite to eat, or even getting take away and sitting down and chatting. It’s always locked in, like an appointment.
- Kissing goodnight. Might sound small but it means we never go to bed angry. We finish anything off that needs to be said. It releases oxytocin – the love hormone – and makes us remember our promises to each other.
- Have regular sex. Even when tired. Even when I don’t feel like it. We had an epic sex life before kids (and still do just not quite as regular hehe) It was something that made us “us”. We connected so well and not only do you release oxytocin but reconnect and remember why we love each other.
- Communicate. Even when we don’t agree. Actually especially when we don’t agree. We talk about our feelings ( I know that sounds cringy but we do) we ask each other how we are, talk about our parenting, our goals, if something doesn’t feel right. We are both open books. We send text messages to each other that share our feelings but also ensure we acknowledge our faults, but also to show our appreciation too.
- We have fun. We laugh. This is SO important for us. It brings us joy. It releases loads of happy hormones, brings our family together, and keeps us young at heart. We try not to take things too seriously and find the good in things.
Fall in love over and over again
We hope these tips help you in some way. For us we want to be together and grow forever. Show our kiddies what real love looks like – the good and the bad. The hard and the easy. Show them what respect looks like, compassion, care and partnership.
