Our sleep journey went something like this:
0-4 weeks – as you would expect a dream.
4-7 weeks – silent reflux from not holding her upright after a feed – hours and hours at night of rocking, lunging up and down the corridor – tears galore. We just survived. We rocked her to sleep, fed her to sleep, played music did whatever we had to.
7 weeks – 3 months – endless screams at night finished but she was still getting rocked, boobed to sleep – we’d play music, white noise – I brought a Glow dreaming. She was waking 1-2 times a night – but getting her down was a nightmare. Bedtime was around 9pm. We had to get her to fall asleep in our arms and then carefully place her down like a a stick of dynamite so she wouldn’t wake – we looked like idiots.
4 months – regression hit me like a kick in the face – she started waking 5 times a night on top of taking hours to get to sleep sometimes. Rocking continued, but we learnt about awake times so at least naps were a little easier – but she would still take about half and hour to put down. We decided to co-sleep exclusively rather than the bassinet – as that way when she woke I just turned over and put my boob in her mouth. That way we all got more sleep – no one had to get out of bed – we loved the cuddles and it was the only way. Our relationship started getting affected because we were so tired and stressed.
4.5 months – We went to Bali and we continued co-sleeping – tears galore to sleep and waking 3-4 times.
5 months – back home and still waking 3-4 times a night and putting her down was a military operation. She would scream and scream – Chris and I would try for 30 mins each then swap – then we’d finally get her to sleep and she’d last 45 mins. We were at our wits end, then I got sick – I couldn’t cope.
As a new mum you do whatever you can – with the tools you are given – which are very few. There is no manual to tell you what to do – you just survive. I remember someone mentioning sleep training around 2 months – but I’d been put off by a book I read, and without proper research – in my head it meant leaving Harper in a room by herself crying, and not being able to leave my house. So I immediately disregarded it.
At 4 months a friend reached out with her sleep program – but the 300 page document just confused me even more – and without the understanding behind it – or someone holding me accountable – I lasted 3 days.
By 5 months – we were at our wits end – Chris asked his followers on instagram what peoples thoughts were, I was googling different sleep training techniques and we were getting as much advice as possible. I didn’t want to leave her in a room by herself and I wanted someone to come to my house and witness what we were going through and hold me accountable. At this stage it was impossible to have people over for dinner – unless they were happy to eat at 9pm once we eventually got Harper to sleep. I was embarrassed if people were with me for nap times because I couldn’t get her to stop crying, and I felt like I was running against the wind. We couldn’t leave her with anyone because she would just scream for hours.
My google search of “baby sleep training come to my house Melbourne” brought up Happy Sleepers. Her website was easy to navigate, had lots of testimonials on it, had different package options which included her coming to my house and spending the night, and she was a Mumma of twins. If she got her babies to sleep surely she could get mine. I gave her a call – and as soon as she answered the phone – I burst into tears. “I’m so sorry – but I’m just so tired and I need help” I cried. She was so lovely – saying it’s ok – she understood and she was there to help. I warmed to her straight away. That was Friday – I locked her in on the spot – Paid – on the spot – and we locked in the initial phone consultation for the following Wednesday and she would come around and we would start sleep training our darling girl on the Thursday night – Valentines day. We went with the half night program – so Christine would arrive at 6:15pm ready for a 6:30 bath time and would stay until Midnight.
The first step was to fill in a questionnaire for her – questions about Harper’s current sleeping routine (ummm what routine), sleep associations (ummm all of them), and what naps and bedtime looked like (ummm chaotic.) That was she could put together a plan that was specially tailored to us. Even though we hadn’t started – I felt calmer already knowing we had a plan in place. That there was possibly light at the end of the tunnel.
As the day approached for our phone consultation and our training to begin – I started reflecting on the past few months. Through each stage I reached out continuously to my instagram family, my own friends and other family members and everyone had so many different opinions. So any people suggested different sleeping aids. Had I tried white noise, had I tried essential oils, had I tried a dummy, had I tried music, had I tried a glow dreaming, had I tried , had I tried, had I tried. I felt like I had tried everything and this was the last resort. I was so eager to hear how this Mary Poppins was going to get Harper to sleep though the night as her website claimed she would – without letting her cry out by herself.
On the Wednesday Christine sent through our sleep plan and asked for me to have it open during the phone consultation. She explained briefly what the night would look like – and how it would start and that once Harper was asleep she would explain the rest of the night and the what the day naps looked like. She used the camp out method – which meant I would be in the room with Harper until she fell asleep. That already made me feel better. She then said I would probably be best having some headphones handy as there would be tears – and it’s not a nice sound for a mother to hear. That made me a little apprehensive but I knew it was going to be ok – I would be in the room with her.
The next thing made me laugh – there were to be no sleep aids at all – no dummy (she didn’t take one anyway but still), no white noise, no red light, no music, no mobile (but it looked so cute above her cot…nope gone) and I was to black out the windows and if need be – put foil over them. WOW – every piece of advice that I had been given was around using a sleep aid – and it wasn’t until that moment that it clicked and Christine made perfect sense. Her aim is to get Harper to fall asleep by herself – and not relying on anything. As adults most of us don’t rely on things to get us to sleep – so why does a baby. Teaching her to fall asleep by herself without help was key to making sure the training work and she was a good sleeper for life. Of course – everything we had tried was basically aiding her to sleep – she had no idea how to fall asleep by herself – or resettle herself. I felt like I had let her down – I had created this.
This is when I cried again. Looking back we fell into habits – When Harper got silent reflux we had to rock her to sleep. She had to be upright otherwise she was in pain. Nights and nights of it. However – once it had gone – we didn’t break the habit. We allowed ourselves to continue. Ok – I know I wasn’t to know – and hindsight is 20/20 – but if I’d known at that point that by 5 months I would be so exhausted and stressed I would’ve broken the habit then and there. I was a new mum – I had no idea. So we rocked and fed and played music for her to fall asleep. If she cried in the night – I was there within 2 seconds – and then when she started sleeping with us – it was boob on tap if she even murmured I was right there. The poor thing had absolutely no idea – how to fall asleep by herself or how to settle herself – because if she woke – I was always right there. I felt like I had let her down. It wasn’t her fault – how did I expect her to just go down at night when I had created this habit. Of course she would cry. Then when we put her in her own room at 5 months – when she’d wake in the night – she had no idea where she was – as I would’ve rocked or fed her to sleep in my arms – how was she ever going to self settle like this.
That first night was hard but a great eye opener. I sat with Harper and had both Christine and Chris texting me encouraging words so that I wouldn’t give in and pick her up. It took 24 minutes of crying for her to fall asleep. The longest, hardest 24 minutes. Hearing her cry – even with my headphone in was hard. She woke at 8:30pm – I had wait 10 mins – usually I would’ve gone straight in. Within 8 minuets she was asleep – WHAT THE HELL. Is that all it took? She then woke up at 1030pm as she had been and I wasn’t allowed to pick her up. An hour – I sat there – listening to her cry – talking to her so she knew I was right there. It was tough. All I wanted to do was pick her up – and put her in our bed…screw the program – I didn’t know if I could do it. Christine took us through the rest of the program, and what the day naps looked like and asked if we could make sure all her naps were at home for at least the first week. She left at midnight and Harper woke at 3am. I was allowed to feed her now – PHEW I could pick up my baby. I fed her – popped her back in her sleep suit and popped her down awake. Within 2 minutes she was asleep. Ok – that worked quickly I thought.
Over the next few nights we noticed a dramatic change. By night 3 – she was asleep within 3 minutes of putting her down. I couldn’t believe it – who was this baby and why the hell hadn’t we done this sooner. I had already forgotten the hour and 24 minutes of crying from the first night – and I can tell you right now – so had Harper. We had a hiccup in the middle when Harper got highly constipated and Christine reminded me – you can’t sleep train a sick baby and that we were allowed to comfort her and feed her more while she was poorly. By the end of the program Harper slept through the night. I couldn’t believe it. Babies are so clever and pick up things so quickly but we just have to give the a chance. Us as parents are more worried than they are. Christine checked in with me every day for 14 days, and was constantly on text message for support. If I was stuck I just messaged her – if I felt weak I messaged her. She gave me pep talks on the phone and I felt like a naughty school girl when I did something I shouldn’t. It was the accountability I needed.
Looking back I wish I’d picked up the phone to Christine as soon as Harper’s reflux had gone. But I wasn’t to know – and I learnt so much.
Harper is now the best sleeper. Her naps are amazing – I put her down, leave the room and within minutes she’s asleep. No tears. At nights – we have a bath, baby massage, into her PJ’s, give her a bottle, into her sleeping bag and into bed – and walk out of the room – and again – within minutes she’s fast asleep. Our lives have completely changed. From day 3 or 4 when she stopped crying at all we had no idea what to do with ourselves. It was 7pm and we had a sleeping baby. The stress has completely gone, Chris and our relationship is better, and everyone is getting more sleep. Harper’s temperament as well improved and although she was already a pretty happy baby – I saw a huge shift in her moods.
Do I miss the cuddles in the bed all night- of course. Do I miss the naps on me – yes. But those can still happen every now and then – and the alternative is stressful, full of tears, and not functional. We have now set Harper up to be a great sleeper for life – and as for the next baby – Christine will be getting a phone call as soon as that baby is 6 weeks old.
If you can put up with 2 nights of tears for a lifetime of sleep, a happy baby, a happy mummy and daddy -it’s worth it. It was flippin hard – and you need to have strength and you and your partner need to be on the same page. There’s no point doing it and someone giving in – picking them up, brining them into bed, feeding to sleep again – because they’re clever little cookies and they’ll know how to manipulate you. If I cry for 20 mins mum will pick me up….if I cry for an hour Dad will come and get me.
It was worth every single penny and heart wrenching tear – because those 2 nights are gone and now we have a perfect sleeper. I would highly recommend Christine from Happy Sleepers to anyone who wants a good little sleeper like Harper.
www.happysleepers.com
Discount code until 9th April – Harper10
Love and life
the Figure x
