Now – before we had Harper I really wanted a breast pump and a good one. Why…because Chris really wanted to be involved in feeding Harper, I wanted to be able to go to appointments or dinner with the girls and be able to leave Harper with Chris – and also we got told to make sure she can take a bottle early because if they can’t take one – it’s a nightmare. My dad didn’t fully understand the concept – “why wouldn’t you just breastfeed Danni”…I can’t if I’m not there Dad…”why wouldn’t you be there – you’re her mother?” Ok Dad – it’s not 1945 and women don’t have to be with the baby 24/7 – bless his cotton sox. Anywho – my Mum ended up buying me the electric double medela breast pump with all the bells and whistles – yay I was set . We would give her a bottle every day.
Fast forward to the day she was born – and although lovely, the midwives do put you off pumping and bottle feeding slightly – they tell you it messes with your supply etc etc – and if you’re going to be in the house when she’s bottle fed you might as well just breast feed. Well yeh – that makes sense….at the moment.
So we did end up giving Harper a bottle at the hospital – she was struggling to latch and we had colostrum that I’d manually pumped prior to having her (check out that blog – it’s a goodie). She took it fine – I mean she was a day old – she didn’t know any different. I think I ended up pumping maybe twice in that first week and Harper had both of those bottles. I’m not sure what happened to the “we’ll give her one every day”..at that stage we were all caught up in newborn cuddles and working it all out that we kinda forgot about it. Until we needed it to happen….and you know what – that was fine then as well. As a fellow mum blogger put it, until 3 months babies brains are like goldfish and they don’t remember much – so giving them a bottle isn’t such a huge deal.
At 7 weeks mum came to stay and we went off on a date night – Harper took a bottle fine for her….at 9 weeks we were off to a wedding and mum baby sat from 2.30pm till 9.30pm…gave her 2 bottles – piece of cake. So in my head I was like – oh she’s fine – she takes a bottle – my little legend. At 12 weeks I went to a nail appointment and this time – she resisted. I got a phone call from Chris in a little panic. I didn’t think anything of it – oh she’s just being fussy today. When I got home we tried again and it was fine. I hadn’t been pumping that much, only when we needed it and I started thinking – hmm what if I am away for a whole day, I need a little stash. I had seen pictures of women who had litres of breastmilk in their fridges and was jealous. Then came the day came – I got an invite to a state work meeting with a Christmas lunch after – Chris insisted I go and said he’d look after Harper all day. I was a little anxious to leave her for a full day but also excited to have a little me time- meet new people and let my hair down. I also had just booked my first night away from Harper to attend a very special performance, mid December, for my best friend in Sydney so needed to start building up some supply.
Wednesday morning – I was super emotional to leave for the meeting – but I knew she was in good hands with Chris. I put her down for her morning nap and off I went. Like any new mother – as soon as I thought she should be awake I text Chris to make sure everything was ok. His text was quite calm -“she’s been awake since 9:30”….ok I thought – has she had a bottle…”no – she wouldn’t take it”. PANIC – I called Chris at 10:30 when I had a break and she hadn’t eaten….and now she was back asleep again. I was worried sick – how long could a baby go without eating….she had been screaming the whole time..did she miss me….my emotions went crazy. I told Chris to wake her up at 11 and try again. At 11:30 I could see Chris calling….she was screaming the house down – I could hear her and it was breaking my heart. She wasn’t taking the bottle – flat out refusing and hadn’t eaten since 8am. I ran out the door in tears straight in to an UBER. I didn’t understand why she suddenly wasn’t taking it – I thought I would be able to do it – but when I got home and tried – I also couldn’t make her take it. PANIC again – my darling hadn’t eaten all morning and I was suppose to leave over night the next week. There was no way I would be able to if she wouldn’t take a bottle. I was also so angry at myself – we had said we would give her one every day from day 1 and we didn’t – we were lazy – it was so much easier and quicker to just pop my boob in her mouth – but we were paying for it now. We had no choice – she HAD to take one.
Thursday & Friday we tried again – my lovely instagram community gave me tips after tips – we trie everything, Chris giving it to her, me giving it to her, standing, sitting, inside, outside, tricking her under my arm, singing to her. We had Medela and Tommee Tippee at home we tried both – we tried warmer milk, cooler milk, warming the teet, sucking the teet…you name it – we tried it. I got all these tips about different bottles so on Saturday I headed into Baby Bunting and brought Pigeon and Avent. Saturday night we tried those – no deal. I was almost to my wits end – about to give up and just take Harper to Sydney and come to terms with the fact that my little angel was going to be attached to me 24/7 for the next 6 months or so.
Then we decided that on Sunday we would take one girls advice – and just not give in or up until she took it – that meant no boob. I was super anxious – how long would it take – would she starve? The last thing I want is her upset – but we didn’t have any options left. The last night feed was at 5am…and then it started. We decided to use the Pigeon bottle. Tried at her first morning feed at 7am to give her the bottle – SCREAMS blue murder. Fine we thought – we’ll wait. 9:00am ….tried again….no deal – screeches until I stop. Nap time (this bit I hated – the fact she hadn’t eaten and was going back to sleep). 45 min nap – I tried again…held the teet in her mouth for about 40 seconds and spat it out and cried and cried and cried….ok no worries. 10:30 falls asleep on me. 2 hour nap. Chris and I then made a pact – if she didn’t take it when she woke up I’ll feed her. It wasn’t sitting right to let her go without eating -but surely instinct would kick in. 12:30 – she wakes up….I turn the Simpsons on – she loves the colours – but mute it so it’s calm. Chris made a pillow mountain and warmed up the bottle….I lay her back – looked into her eyes and BOOM. In it went and she sucked away – WOOHOO. I didn’t know if it was because she must’ve been starving or the whole set up but she took 75mls as that’s all I had in that bottle. I didn’t want to keep wasting milk. She was keen to keep going so Chris made her up another – but again – she rejected it. Fine – you have had some I know you can do it…I’ll just wait. She was so happy still – smiling away – all I could think was – man if I was that hungry I would not be smiling. She had another 45 min nap and I tried another bottle straight after with 100ml – again took it. Hallelujah. I wasn’t willing to change anything so pillow mountain and Simpsons it was. Right before bed she took another 125mls and I also popped her on my boob to lull her to sleep. WHAT A DAY. We did it….for one day.
Now we are going to give her 1-2 bottles every day – like we said we were going to do at the start. This whole process has been so stressful – knowing your baby won’t eat, and hasn’t eaten and hearing their cries is heartbreaking – but I knew it was for all our own good. Chris wants to be involved in feeding, I would like some mum time and maybe Chris and I can have another date night soon. Hindsight is 20/20 and next time – I will be giving the baby a bottle from day 1.
Stay tuned to my insta to see if she continues to co-operate. The lady that said about the goldfish brain said once babies get to 3 months they’re more intelligent and know when it’s not your boob – so starting a bottle then is the worst – oh thanks for telling me that the week after my baby is 3 months.
Motherhood is the biggest learning curve of my life and I’m loving learning new things every day. The stresses are apart of it – and we all have our own journey but jeepers – that was a big hump that I’m glad we got through. Chris was amazing and I’m so lucky to have him by my side.
Now I’m off to bed – they say breastfeeding is like running a marathon every day….well pumping and trying to get your baby to take a bottle felt like 2 marathons.
Sweet dreams
love and life
the Figure xox
